Tension

water muscles and...I think he's flipping me the bird :)

Oh, Oliver.
Maybe it's the fact that you want to go down the big boy slide but still carry Mama James around on adventures.  Maybe it's that salty, sweaty, dirt-under-the-fingernails, barefoot life, adventuring smell.  Maybe it's your squished down ears or your smiling dimple.  Maybe it's that you say things like, "these Diesels (meaning some of your trains) are just like Tom Kitten, they are too fat!"  Or that you measure everything in odd, made-up ways like, your latest as of today, ear-miles.  What?  Or maybe it's that you kind of sound like a little Billy Graham, when you tell me about one of your memory verses.  "And I was strong and brave because the Lord your God is with you! But it was a dark and...I was strong and brave!" Maybe it's that you have 2, only 2, emotions:  complete happiness or deep, weeping sadness.

snuggly love.

I love you. Oliver Paul Carter, love you.  My sweet love, buddy, little boy.  

And today isn't your birthday or half-birthday, but I just want to mark this time in your life.  This time of still rushing to tell me everything! Because everything is important! and big! and worth allowing me to experience!
Love you having a meltdown in the park over a question mark thing, love you sleeping and dreaming, love you trying to sneak and play in your bed, instead of sleeping and dreaming.

And I'm pulled everyday between crying at the signs of you becoming more and more independent, and crying because I'm so happy and proud for you.
Ahhh, that lovely tension.
Life. Lived.

oliver told me he lived in this house now, (meaning the fort).